St Stephens Day

Ooooooooooooooooh, St Stephen's Day. Urgh, I feel so mushy in my tummy today, like I need a good walk, gallons of water and lots of cold fresh fruit!!. Anyone else feel this way after Christmas Day?

I have so much work to do, college wise, recovery wise, blah!!!! Food? argh! hate it, love it, dont know what to do with it! eat it? dont want to gain weight....whiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!!! thats how i feel about recovery.

I am happy enough though, with everything else. It was lovely to see my family and have a nice day with tv, presents, wine and laughter.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Christmas Day

Christmas Day is here!

I have been starving for myself for months now and I have lost so much weight. My grandparents are coming to visit and they have not seen me in ages-wow they are going to get a shock! cant believe I am out of treatment 5 months and have already lost all the weight I gained (And then some!). Despite all this, I am happy with my life, perhaps that is to do with the medication??  but that’s not the whole case, I actually am happy with my life, I am in a good college course, I have a good job, I have great friends and family. My mood is good too.

BUT, I know that starving myself is not good, not good at all and it has to stop…but its really, really hard…..really hard. Whenever I do eat more, I cant keep it down! I want to be eating more, I really do, but I don’t want to gain weight and I hate feeling full. So those issues pose a little bit of a problem. I know feeling full isn’t bad and that I won’t gain too much weight….I might a little……but if anything I need to gain a bit (BMI is only 16).

I was relying on XMAS to get me out of this restriction rut….hasn’t happened-yet..it will.

The control around food needs to stop, there’s no point to it. I’m nearly in my mid twenties now, I have to cop on. I want to cop on. I want to eat.

Merry Xmas!!

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